Friday, June 29, 2012

The Wolfman : the man in the unicorn suit chapter 1

The Wolfman 

The story of a wolfman only goes one way.

1. A man is bitten by a strange wolf. He recovers but feels weird .  Hairy palms, a sudden love of under-cooked meat.  He ascribes it to masturbation and an iron deficiency.

2. His Family, invariably including a beautiful golden haired daughter or a fat cheeked son and a wife always a wife in these things, are torn to pieces by some unknown assailant. Their blood and organs smeared on every surface while our hero, sleeping is somehow spared.

3. He moves to a new place to make a new life. The killer or killers somehow follow him. So he keeps running larynxes torn from human throats and horribly mangled sheep litter his wake. Sometimes he tries to help the cops and monster hunters find the real killer. But like Orenthal James Simpson he has no luck.

4. He realizes who the monster is. Maybe it is the waking up with a mouth coated in blood? Perhaps he shaves those embarrassing palms and finds the pentagram or maybe he realizes in the course of 3 years he has never seen a full moon?

5. He ends it maybe he tries several methods. A gun in the mouth. A leap from a high cliff. With the help of an officer of the law. It only ends one way a silver bullet in the brain.

That is how the story of the Wolfman goes, every time without exception. That is how this story goes.

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