Thursday, August 23, 2012

Texas: Man in the unicorn suit : chapter 10

Pulling bits off of people is easier than you would think the trick is  to keep pulling after they start screaming. Removing the maxilla the jawbone like I did or will do requires a bit of finesse and practice. You have to twist and yank. Twist to dislocate the jawbone and yank so that the masseter pops off at the attachment to the bone. Anyone who has ever tried to tear a steak knows it is foolish to tear through the middle across the muscle fibers.

-"do you know why I pulled you over?"-

My only other tip is to go in from below and from the outside. Even the average man can bite a finger clean off. All in all it is a crowd pleasing move and shut this cop up pretty effectively. It is well worth the effort and the practice with the caveat that it is damn embarrassing when it fails.

-"you were going three miles over the speed limit"-

Texas is a goats scrotum. The barbecue is alright but is worse than anywhere else in the south. Tex-Mex is gringo-bullshit. Sheet cake belongs in a prison cafeteria. Their pride in their food comes from the same place as the rest of their puff-chested imbecility.

-"license and registration please"-

In the American west there is a vast quiet it starts at the red river and like the Donners does not quite make it passed the Sierra Nevadas. The reason people moved west into the quiet was to avoid hearing. Hearing gossip, hearing news, hearing that they were right or wrong. Some folks moved through the quiet on their way to California. At first they hummed and sang songs later blared their radios to keep the quiet from getting in their ears.

-"Please put your hands where I can see them"-

The real western man keeps his mouth shut out of reverence for the quiet. The Texan on the other hand who is a coward and a braggart by nature crossed the red river so he could pretend to be a man. Heard the quiet and went yellow. The silence scared him. It put a lie to his protestations of manhood. Instead of coming clean on the weakness of his nature and his inability to stand in the presence of  large things. He set up yammering, bleating and crying. He buys a loud hat, he gets a loud gun, grows a loud mustache, marries a loud wife, Talks incessantly in a loud voice. Terrified that if even a moment of silence slips through he will know who he really is.

                                     -"I am going to ask you to step outside of the vehicle."-

I hate driving across Texas it is a desert populated by cretins and they get thicker, louder and dumber as you move east until you get to the Texas street bridge into Shreveport out of the quiet and into Louisiana.   But to be fair I do have a fondness for the packets of frozen pickle juice you can get at gas stations Texas isn't all bad.


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